FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT

I know I'm going to get in trouble for this with some of my more Republican blogger friends, but what the heck. (After that headline, I surely deserve trouble of some sort.)

Naked Guys Sing, But Not For Republicans

I don't think anyone in NY has been scandalized by this show in years. This is New York, after all. We thrive on the edgy, the liberal, and often, the naked. But even if you're not from around these here parts, there's no way you can buy your ticket to this musical and say "Gasp! I had no idea what this show was about!" It tells you what you're gonna get right [ahem...] up front.

If there's one thing I've learned through my blog connections, it's that, Yes Virginia, there are likable, non-evangelist, non-evil Republicans. But stories like this make it seem like all Republicans fear any kind of liberal expression, be it artistic or political.

I'm not saying visiting elephants should HAVE to go to NBS, any more than they should have to go to the Museum of Sex, or even the Metropolitan Museum of Art, for that matter. I'm just saying, let them decide for themselves.

It's like that scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian, when the crowd is gathered outside Brian's house, and he's shouting, "You don't have to follow a leader! You are all individuals!" The crowd chants back in perfect unison, "Yes, we are all individuals!" (Brilliance.) And then a small voice pipes up: "I'm not." That guy, the dissenting voice in the crowd, who in his singular dissent indicates that he is not his own person, I somehow think he's the one going to see Naked Boys Singing, even if it's not on the list of approved (and therefore discounted) NYC attractions.

So in the interim, I'm filing this New York Times article under "Let Each Republican Decide What He Or She Wants To Do or See in New York City." Either that, or "I Bet the Naked Boys Are Too Sad About Not Performing for Republicans to Be Singing."

Plus, I'd like to offer this additional list of things that the visiting, sensitive Republican may wish to steer away from:

• Times Square--Though cleaner than it used to be, ostentatious Lion King heads, brewery billboards and wax statues of Whoopi Goldberg may cause alarm reaction in certain Republicans.

• Jennifer Love Hewitt--Firstly, there's that love right in the middle of her name--she should be waiting for marriage. Secondly, her song "Bare Naked" was an affront to family values, in addition to rhyme and music.
  
• That Guy Near the Subway Who Sells the Booklet of 200 Sexual Positions for $2.00
  
• The Subway Itself--The subway system shuttles many people of many ethnicities, proclivities, nationalities, and levels of cleanliness underneath this fair city. Best to avoid such direct contact, or at least use Purell before and after exposure.
  
• The Upper West Side--If they're looking for a few good bagels or a nice piece of Nova, a few stragglers may make it up to Zabar's. But somehow, I doubt my neighborhood's getting many Republican tourists. Unless some of them need a minyan.
  
• Riverside, Central, Washington Square and Madison Square Parks--Partly grassy, with a strong chance of hippies.

Too bad they missed the East Village Howl Festival... Wigstock and the Republican National Convention seem like such a natural match.

FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT

I know I'm going to get in trouble for this with some of my more Republican blogger friends, but what the heck. (After that headline, I surely deserve trouble of some sort.)

Naked Guys Sing, But Not For Republicans

I don't think anyone in NY has been scandalized by this show in years. This is New York, after all. We thrive on the edgy, the liberal, and often, the naked. But even if you're not from around these here parts, there's no way you can buy your ticket to this musical and say "Gasp! I had no idea what this show was about!" It tells you what you're gonna get right [ahem...] up front.

If there's one thing I've learned through my blog connections, it's that, Yes Virginia, there are likable, non-evangelist, non-evil Republicans. But stories like this make it seem like all Republicans fear any kind of liberal expression, be it artistic or political.

I'm not saying visiting elephants should HAVE to go to NBS, any more than they should have to go to the Museum of Sex, or even the Metropolitan Museum of Art, for that matter. I'm just saying, let them decide for themselves.

It's like that scene in Monty Python's Life of Brian, when the crowd is gathered outside Brian's house, and he's shouting, "You don't have to follow a leader! You are all individuals!" The crowd chants back in perfect unison, "Yes, we are all individuals!" (Brilliance.) And then a small voice pipes up: "I'm not." That guy, the dissenting voice in the crowd, who in his singular dissent indicates that he is not his own person, I somehow think he's the one going to see Naked Boys Singing, even if it's not on the list of approved (and therefore discounted) NYC attractions.

So in the interim, I'm filing this New York Times article under "Let Each Republican Decide What He Or She Wants To Do or See in New York City." Either that, or "I Bet the Naked Boys Are Too Sad About Not Performing for Republicans to Be Singing."

Plus, I'd like to offer this additional list of things that the visiting, sensitive Republican may wish to steer away from:

• Times Square--Though cleaner than it used to be, ostentatious Lion King heads, brewery billboards and wax statues of Whoopi Goldberg may cause alarm reaction in certain Republicans.

• Jennifer Love Hewitt--Firstly, there's that love right in the middle of her name--she should be waiting for marriage. Secondly, her song "Bare Naked" was an affront to family values, in addition to rhyme and music.
  
• That Guy Near the Subway Who Sells the Booklet of 200 Sexual Positions for $2.00
  
• The Subway Itself--The subway system shuttles many people of many ethnicities, proclivities, nationalities, and levels of cleanliness underneath this fair city. Best to avoid such direct contact, or at least use Purell before and after exposure.
  
• The Upper West Side--If they're looking for a few good bagels or a nice piece of Nova, a few stragglers may make it up to Zabar's. But somehow, I doubt my neighborhood's getting many Republican tourists. Unless some of them need a minyan.
  
• Riverside, Central, Washington Square and Madison Square Parks--Partly grassy, with a strong chance of hippies.

Too bad they missed the East Village Howl Festival... Wigstock and the Republican National Convention seem like such a natural match.