MTV AWARDS--NO KABBALAH WEDDING

Darnit. I was really hoping for Britney and Kevin to wed onstage at the VMAs this year. Instead, we got Olsen twins wearing sackcloth, Flaming Lips singer Wayne Coyne channeling his inner bubble boy, and Jessica Simpson making her usual weird singing faces and this time adding a squeaky, yet nasal, non-resonant quality to her voice that made her sound like Britney. She performed the first of her two songs aloft, sitting in a ring that was suspended over the crowd. Even though she was singing the whole time, I thought I saw fear in her eyes. Maybe that accounts for the less-than-stellar vocal quality.

Best musical performance (and the only one I saw) was Nelly and Christina. That girl's trashy, but man, can she sing. And for some reason, I totally love me some Nelly*. Always have. I just think he's terrific at turning the phrases into grooves that you can't stop. Add him to the soundtrack of all our vacations, wherever they are.

*You'd think his adding r's to words would offend me as an editor. But for some reason it doesn't. "Hot in Here" becomes "Hot in Herre." And I'm fine with that.

MTV AWARDS--NO KABBALAH WEDDING

Darnit. I was really hoping for Britney and Kevin to wed onstage at the VMAs this year. Instead, we got Olsen twins wearing sackcloth, Flaming Lips singer Wayne Coyne channeling his inner bubble boy, and Jessica Simpson making her usual weird singing faces and this time adding a squeaky, yet nasal, non-resonant quality to her voice that made her sound like Britney. She performed the first of her two songs aloft, sitting in a ring that was suspended over the crowd. Even though she was singing the whole time, I thought I saw fear in her eyes. Maybe that accounts for the less-than-stellar vocal quality.

Best musical performance (and the only one I saw) was Nelly and Christina. That girl's trashy, but man, can she sing. And for some reason, I totally love me some Nelly*. Always have. I just think he's terrific at turning the phrases into grooves that you can't stop. Add him to the soundtrack of all our vacations, wherever they are.

*You'd think his adding r's to words would offend me as an editor. But for some reason it doesn't. "Hot in Here" becomes "Hot in Herre." And I'm fine with that.