STILL ANOTHER LETTER FROM THE YESHIVA GIRL TO THE MATERIAL GIRL

Dear Madonna,

I saw today’s news about Britney, and totally had to write you. What is up with her copying your idea to get Kabbalah-inspired tattoos? She is such a wannabe, even more than any of those girls my age who copied you in the 80s…But did you hear? The Kabbalistic karma bit her in the well-sculpted ass! She had the wrong letters inscribed, and now that tat has to be surgically removed! ROTFLMAO!

But seriously, Madge, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this Kabbalah thing for a while. This isn't quite an intervention--I'd NEVER do that to you--but I’m worried about a couple of things. I’ve been doing some investigating into what makes this Kabbalah Centre tick, and while I’m all for helping you explore Judaism, that doesn’t seem to be what the Centre is about. They claim to be the center of the struggle against Satan, but do any of us really know what that means, and if it has anything to do with the Jewish mystical traditions?

When I was growing up, they always taught us that women couldn’t study Kabbalah, that it was so intricate and complex that even men couldn’t study it until after they were married with children and in their 40s…which I always found to be an antiquated and misogynistic ruling. But now with Britney reading Kabbalah poolside at age 22, it makes me think that it can’t be the same text that, as a female, I was forever and automatically banned from studying!

From red strings to thwart the evil eye and scented candles to improve your sex life to blessed Kabbalah water with curative and baptismal properties, and extending the notion that the Hebrew letters themselves able to accomplish what the most advanced gene therapy cannot and alter the genetic structure of DNA, perhaps the Kabbalah Centre is going too far? I’m sorry to say it because I know it means a lot to you and Guy, and I know Lourdes loves her new string bracelet, but this doesn’t sound like Judaism to me, Madge.

I’m all for exploring spirituality, and I know you’ve been around the religious block a few times. But I’ve been Jewish my whole life. And while I welcome modern touches that make an ancient religion more meaningful, IMHO, when it morphs so much that it’s no longer even recognizable to lifetime adherents, maybe it’s time to reassess that movement’s truth…I certainly hope you take this suggestion in stride—I only want to make sure that you’re getting the authentic product…

Let’s get together soon…maybe Shavuos? I’m teaching at my shul on the Upper West Side—maybe you’d like to join me as a co-speaker? No pressure, totally let me know!

Your sister in Judaism,
Esther

STILL ANOTHER LETTER FROM THE YESHIVA GIRL TO THE MATERIAL GIRL

Dear Madonna,

I saw today’s news about Britney, and totally had to write you. What is up with her copying your idea to get Kabbalah-inspired tattoos? She is such a wannabe, even more than any of those girls my age who copied you in the 80s…But did you hear? The Kabbalistic karma bit her in the well-sculpted ass! She had the wrong letters inscribed, and now that tat has to be surgically removed! ROTFLMAO!

But seriously, Madge, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this Kabbalah thing for a while. This isn't quite an intervention--I'd NEVER do that to you--but I’m worried about a couple of things. I’ve been doing some investigating into what makes this Kabbalah Centre tick, and while I’m all for helping you explore Judaism, that doesn’t seem to be what the Centre is about. They claim to be the center of the struggle against Satan, but do any of us really know what that means, and if it has anything to do with the Jewish mystical traditions?

When I was growing up, they always taught us that women couldn’t study Kabbalah, that it was so intricate and complex that even men couldn’t study it until after they were married with children and in their 40s…which I always found to be an antiquated and misogynistic ruling. But now with Britney reading Kabbalah poolside at age 22, it makes me think that it can’t be the same text that, as a female, I was forever and automatically banned from studying!

From red strings to thwart the evil eye and scented candles to improve your sex life to blessed Kabbalah water with curative and baptismal properties, and extending the notion that the Hebrew letters themselves able to accomplish what the most advanced gene therapy cannot and alter the genetic structure of DNA, perhaps the Kabbalah Centre is going too far? I’m sorry to say it because I know it means a lot to you and Guy, and I know Lourdes loves her new string bracelet, but this doesn’t sound like Judaism to me, Madge.

I’m all for exploring spirituality, and I know you’ve been around the religious block a few times. But I’ve been Jewish my whole life. And while I welcome modern touches that make an ancient religion more meaningful, IMHO, when it morphs so much that it’s no longer even recognizable to lifetime adherents, maybe it’s time to reassess that movement’s truth…I certainly hope you take this suggestion in stride—I only want to make sure that you’re getting the authentic product…

Let’s get together soon…maybe Shavuos? I’m teaching at my shul on the Upper West Side—maybe you’d like to join me as a co-speaker? No pressure, totally let me know!

Your sister in Judaism,
Esther