ITEM IS "TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE"
Dear Target Customer,
We regretfully inform you that the item that you ordered, Red Kabbalah String, is temporarily unavailable.
Note that we do not claim that this item is "out of stock," since that would indicate that we have been stocking red string that has been to Bethlehem and wrapped around the tomb of Rachel the matriarch. We have not been stocking this string. In fact, we don't even know how it got distributed to our stores across country. And there is no indication at present that these strings have visited tombs in any foreign countries, let alone Israel.
A team of recently convened independent investigators have revealed that these strings were taken from the frays of several items rejected from Target's new line Isaac Mizrahi clothing. There is some documentation to support the fact that when Isaac's coulat designs did not take off as expected, certain area managers decided to cut their fabric losses and repackage the threads as Kabbalah strings.
We are sending a September mission to Israel to investigate new sources for Kabbalah string. The leader of that mission, a Ms. Ciccone of Michigan, will be bringing bolts of string to the Holy Land and will personally wrap Rachel's Tomb in as much string as possible before breaking into Yiddish songs.
Once the string has absorbed the full negativity-deflection power of the tomb, it will be measured, cut to size and hermetically sealed in an envelope marked "Kabbalah String." The envelope will also include a special activation packet; simply drop the string and the packet into a tub of Kabbalah water (available in 12-, 24- and 96-ounce bottles in most local Target stores in Aisle 4, Spirituality), and you should perceive a pinkish tint to the water. This means that your Kabbalah string bracelet has officially been activated and, once dry, is ready to be worn to help you deflect the negativity and quizzical looks of others.
We know that you have a choice in Kabbalah string providers and we hope that you will continue to choose us to answer all of your Kabbalah product needs.
At Target, we take pride in the products that we bring to America, and we thank you for your patience.
Quebert T. Jokester
Customer Service Representative