BOY FROM OZ GOES STIR-LUPINE, AGAIN

Just came back from seeing VAN HELSING, which we all know stars Aussie dreamboat Hugh Jackman, whose name I want to make into a joke, but can't quite figure out how (Huge Jackman? Not funny enough).

The movie? It is what it is. No Oscar moments, but several kitschy dialogue sequences, followed by loud and eye-swirling special effects. Story? Do any of us really care? Nutshell: Van Helsing is sent by a special order of monks to kill supernatural evil beings, and he has some sort of history that he doesn't remember. He kills these beings hoping that someone will restore his memories. There's more, some sort of curse on a Gypsy family, heavily-accented brides of Dracula, and of course, Kate Beckinsale looking gorgeous, with the most perfectly arched eyebrows and whitest teeth in all of Hungary.

My unfulfilled hope? Maybe it's the fact that I've seen the musical episode of Buffy one too many times, but I was praying that Hugh Jackman, the artist formerly known as Wolverine (X-Men/X-Men 2) who is also starring on Broadway in the musical "The Boy From Oz," would fall to his knees, strike a pose and burst into a witty, revealing song about how it feels to be him. I'm sure after I give this some more thought, I'll have come up with lyrics, but right now, suffice it to say that I had hoped Jackman would put the "sing" back in Van Helsing.

I must have been really been distracted by this thought, because I forgot to pay my friend Jim back for the ticket. (I'll get you next time, Jimmy...)

BOY FROM OZ GOES STIR-LUPINE, AGAIN

Just came back from seeing VAN HELSING, which we all know stars Aussie dreamboat Hugh Jackman, whose name I want to make into a joke, but can't quite figure out how (Huge Jackman? Not funny enough).

The movie? It is what it is. No Oscar moments, but several kitschy dialogue sequences, followed by loud and eye-swirling special effects. Story? Do any of us really care? Nutshell: Van Helsing is sent by a special order of monks to kill supernatural evil beings, and he has some sort of history that he doesn't remember. He kills these beings hoping that someone will restore his memories. There's more, some sort of curse on a Gypsy family, heavily-accented brides of Dracula, and of course, Kate Beckinsale looking gorgeous, with the most perfectly arched eyebrows and whitest teeth in all of Hungary.

My unfulfilled hope? Maybe it's the fact that I've seen the musical episode of Buffy one too many times, but I was praying that Hugh Jackman, the artist formerly known as Wolverine (X-Men/X-Men 2) who is also starring on Broadway in the musical "The Boy From Oz," would fall to his knees, strike a pose and burst into a witty, revealing song about how it feels to be him. I'm sure after I give this some more thought, I'll have come up with lyrics, but right now, suffice it to say that I had hoped Jackman would put the "sing" back in Van Helsing.

I must have been really been distracted by this thought, because I forgot to pay my friend Jim back for the ticket. (I'll get you next time, Jimmy...)