"Get Renee Zellweger's Look"

That's MSN's title of the how-to for Renee's "classic Hollywood starlet" hair look (http://women.msn.com/652803.armx), an article that takes you through a five-step, four-product routine that you can put yourself through in the comfort of your own home.

Of course, I have my own Reneecipe:

1. Be short.
2. Be cute in movie with Tom Cruise.
3. Squint eyes for rest of career.

Poof! You're done! No muss, no fuss, no additional haircare products required. Follow this simple plan and you'll get singing roles even though you've never been to karaoke, and be able to eat like a pig to gain weight for parts that should go to other heavier actresses.

Still not feeling the love of the Academy? Smudge dirt on your face, revert to a backwoods accent, and show us your patented squint...and Oscar will be yours in a New York minute.

(PSA: Speaking of "New York Minute," I wanted to make you all aware of the fact that Mary-Kate Olsen has dyed her hair red. Ashley Olsen is still blonde.)

"Get Renee Zellweger's Look"

That's MSN's title of the how-to for Renee's "classic Hollywood starlet" hair look (http://women.msn.com/652803.armx), an article that takes you through a five-step, four-product routine that you can put yourself through in the comfort of your own home.

Of course, I have my own Reneecipe:

1. Be short.
2. Be cute in movie with Tom Cruise.
3. Squint eyes for rest of career.

Poof! You're done! No muss, no fuss, no additional haircare products required. Follow this simple plan and you'll get singing roles even though you've never been to karaoke, and be able to eat like a pig to gain weight for parts that should go to other heavier actresses.

Still not feeling the love of the Academy? Smudge dirt on your face, revert to a backwoods accent, and show us your patented squint...and Oscar will be yours in a New York minute.

(PSA: Speaking of "New York Minute," I wanted to make you all aware of the fact that Mary-Kate Olsen has dyed her hair red. Ashley Olsen is still blonde.)