MADONNA "PROMOTED" ON POTENTIAL ROAD TO RABBINATE
Welcome back to everyone's favorite place-to-visit-but-you-wouldn't-want-to-live-there, the Hall of Celebrity Weirdness.
Today’s exhibit focuses on the latest achievement by the woman who exhorted her papa not to preach and encouraged women everywhere to express themselves as they, on holiday, celebration come together from every nation.
According to source contactmusic.com, Madonna has been promoted to the highest pre-ordination level possible within what the article calls the “Church of Kabbalah.” That’s right.
Just to recap, we have now learned the following…
1) Kabbalah is a church.
2) One can be promoted in Kabbalah. It is unclear if one can be left back. Also unclear is if promotion comes with full medical and dental. Optical, of course, is not included.
3) If Madonna learns one more thing, she’s going to have to release a song called “Like a Rabbi.” (“paskening* for the very first time…like a ra-a-a-aabbi, cause your shul’s not as frum** as mine…”)
Please feel free to suggest additional titles, topics and lyrics for Rabbi Madge’s future songs. Songs may be new (e.g., “Call Me Rabbi, But I’m Still a Woman” –a duet with Britney Spears) or reissues of previous Madonna hits (e.g., “Who’s That Maidel?”).
*Paskening means "making halakhic (Jewish law-related) decisions."
**Frum means "religiously observant."