Monday, September 20, 2004

"TALKING TRASH"

My most recent singles column from the Jewish Week focuses on the role of gossip in the dating process. It may be a little complicated for those of you who are not Jewish, but you're all smart cookies--I'm sure you'll figure it out. As always, I'm happy to answer any questions...

To read "Talking Trash," click here.

A new column, thematically appropriate for Yom Kippur, to come next week.

3 Comments:

At 6:22 AM, September 21, 2004, Blogger sassy little punkin said...

wow, i totally saw myself in that article. i'm moses! no, seriously, though, it reminds me of the post i wrote last week about the guy i was seeing, and how a nice jewish boy reader called me 'pure evil' for posting my feelings as such. i could see how perhaps i was on that slippery slope of inappropriate speech... but i do maintain that i only blog the truth, and the truth happens to be funny sometimes. was moses a funny guy? probably not. ah, well...

 
At 4:15 PM, September 21, 2004, Blogger Coelecanth said...

Great article.

The goal of keeping a harmonious community is a worthy one, but in the end doesn't honesty serve the community better? Where is the line between honesty and gossip?

For me it all depends on the reason I didn't click with the person. If it was simply a case of mismatched personalities or interests then so be it, no need to say anything. But sometimes there's a trait or behaviour that requires comment.

How are people going to change and grow if they don't know they're doing anything wrong? Usually I tell the person directly that for instance, bathing before a date is a good idea or obscenities aren't punctuation. But is that enough? It ought to be, but experience shows that it usually isn't.

The most effective motivator for change, at least in social behaviour, is peer pressure. If the person's friends keep hearing that he or she is acting in a self-detrimental way, maybe they'll take her/him in hand and encourage change.

This doesn't give one the right to trash talk, no need to get creative with it. A simple explaination of why the date went wrong is enough. As it goes around it'll get embellished anyway.

As you said, it's all in how you handle it. A little non-malicious gossip isn't such a bad thing.

It made me stop wearing a fanny pack and lycra bike shorts for example...

 
At 10:44 PM, September 21, 2004, Blogger Susan said...

Wow, such holy words of Torah in a column about dating! Very apropros for the season, and just the reminder I needed these few days before Yom Kippur. Thank you so much. Incidentally, I am very glad the Jewish Week finally posted this column. I always look forward to reading what you have to say.

 

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My Urban Kvetch: "TALKING TRASH"

Monday, September 20, 2004

"TALKING TRASH"

My most recent singles column from the Jewish Week focuses on the role of gossip in the dating process. It may be a little complicated for those of you who are not Jewish, but you're all smart cookies--I'm sure you'll figure it out. As always, I'm happy to answer any questions...

To read "Talking Trash," click here.

A new column, thematically appropriate for Yom Kippur, to come next week.

3 Comments:

At 6:22 AM, September 21, 2004, Blogger sassy little punkin said...

wow, i totally saw myself in that article. i'm moses! no, seriously, though, it reminds me of the post i wrote last week about the guy i was seeing, and how a nice jewish boy reader called me 'pure evil' for posting my feelings as such. i could see how perhaps i was on that slippery slope of inappropriate speech... but i do maintain that i only blog the truth, and the truth happens to be funny sometimes. was moses a funny guy? probably not. ah, well...

 
At 4:15 PM, September 21, 2004, Blogger Coelecanth said...

Great article.

The goal of keeping a harmonious community is a worthy one, but in the end doesn't honesty serve the community better? Where is the line between honesty and gossip?

For me it all depends on the reason I didn't click with the person. If it was simply a case of mismatched personalities or interests then so be it, no need to say anything. But sometimes there's a trait or behaviour that requires comment.

How are people going to change and grow if they don't know they're doing anything wrong? Usually I tell the person directly that for instance, bathing before a date is a good idea or obscenities aren't punctuation. But is that enough? It ought to be, but experience shows that it usually isn't.

The most effective motivator for change, at least in social behaviour, is peer pressure. If the person's friends keep hearing that he or she is acting in a self-detrimental way, maybe they'll take her/him in hand and encourage change.

This doesn't give one the right to trash talk, no need to get creative with it. A simple explaination of why the date went wrong is enough. As it goes around it'll get embellished anyway.

As you said, it's all in how you handle it. A little non-malicious gossip isn't such a bad thing.

It made me stop wearing a fanny pack and lycra bike shorts for example...

 
At 10:44 PM, September 21, 2004, Blogger Susan said...

Wow, such holy words of Torah in a column about dating! Very apropros for the season, and just the reminder I needed these few days before Yom Kippur. Thank you so much. Incidentally, I am very glad the Jewish Week finally posted this column. I always look forward to reading what you have to say.

 

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