Monday, November 08, 2004

MADONNEWS CENTER UPDATE 3*

This isn't exactly breaking news anymore, but it has been so long since I had a good Madonna story to sink my creative teeth into...

Madonna took time out of her spiritual journey, to film the 30 second ad for the Ministry of Tourism, which will debuted at the World Tourism Fair in London next week. According to Israeli news site haaretz.com, Madonna assures audiences the country is a safe place to visit.

While the images remain classified, the team of reporters at My Urban Kvetch has obtained an exclusive look at the script for the proposed ad campaign:

[MADONNA, DRESSED ONLY IN AN ISRAELI FLAG DESIGNED BY JEAN PAUL GAUTHIER, LOOKS PLAINTIVELY INTO THE CAMERA AND BEGINS TO SING A CAPPELLA (to the tune of "Like a Prayer"):]

Israel is history
No one here can be alone
I'm in Jerusalem
and it feels like...home...

[MUSIC STARTS, DANCE BEAT. MADONNA DROPS FLAG TO REVEAL A YARMULKEBRA-BUSTIER WITH JEWISH STARS EMBLAZONED ON THE CUPS.]

CHORUS:
I'm in Is-ra-el, I love Kabbalah
Things are going well, got my bracelet on
Now the party starts, I'm breaking Jewish hearts
Here we don't eat pork; it's safer than New York...

Like a dream I had of being British
and so I spoke just like a Brit
(not like Britney)
Catholic is what my mother made me
But kosher is what I've become--let the Pope scream

CHORUS:
I'm in Is-ra-el, I love Kabbalah
Things are going well, got my bracelet on
Now the party starts, I'm breaking Jewish hearts
Here we don't eat pork; it's safer than New York...

Guy Ritchie is my man,
Wears kippot when he can,
Our children stay amused
they also stay confused--
don't point or stare,
when I am standing there
God always sees
the ultra-mega-Jewish me
The ultra-Jewish me-hee-hee,
Come and see...


[CHEESY ISRAELI VOICEOVER:]
Come to Israel. We'll make you feel like a rock star.



*This post inspired by my friends at Jewlicious...

8 Comments:

At 1:11 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Madonna said...

Huh? I did what?! Ohhh.. The other "Madonna"... Sorry, my bad. Sorry. This gets confusing sometimes. So many Madonnas and Esthers...

One of these days she's going to wake up in your apartment, you're going to wake up in my apartment and I'm going to wake up next to Guy Ritchie....

I sure wouldn't be recommending tourism to ANYWHERE near the Middle East now... I'm sure Israel is lovely and all that, but the location? I don't know about that one...

Great song parody, though... You decided to unleash your inner Madonna too, huh?

 
At 8:58 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Michael said...

Esther, beloved, you have finally lost it. All of it. In one titanic burst of coedic genius, to be sure. But you need to up the dose to 20 mg.

Love,

 
At 8:59 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Michael said...

"CoMedic genius," he said.

 
At 9:12 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger PetiteDov said...

Hilarious. Now i'll be singing the new chorus to "like a prayer"

 
At 3:00 PM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Dawn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:28 PM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Madonna said...

Uh oh. Esther's lost it? I guess I am becoming a bad influence....

Woo hoo! I am becoming more and more Madonnaesque every day!

 
At 6:36 PM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Dawn said...

I don't know how I managed to delete the comment I made when I first posted it!? What I had said was:
How DO you write these things sober? You are a treat!

 
At 3:11 PM, November 09, 2004, Blogger Anna Broadway said...

Seriously brilliant. I think I’ll be linking to it from my site soon ... especially considering the splash poetry recently made on Sexless.

Thanks for keepin’ it real, dahlin’.

...Real funny, that is. ;)

 

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My Urban Kvetch: MADONNEWS CENTER UPDATE 3*

Monday, November 08, 2004

MADONNEWS CENTER UPDATE 3*

This isn't exactly breaking news anymore, but it has been so long since I had a good Madonna story to sink my creative teeth into...

Madonna took time out of her spiritual journey, to film the 30 second ad for the Ministry of Tourism, which will debuted at the World Tourism Fair in London next week. According to Israeli news site haaretz.com, Madonna assures audiences the country is a safe place to visit.

While the images remain classified, the team of reporters at My Urban Kvetch has obtained an exclusive look at the script for the proposed ad campaign:

[MADONNA, DRESSED ONLY IN AN ISRAELI FLAG DESIGNED BY JEAN PAUL GAUTHIER, LOOKS PLAINTIVELY INTO THE CAMERA AND BEGINS TO SING A CAPPELLA (to the tune of "Like a Prayer"):]

Israel is history
No one here can be alone
I'm in Jerusalem
and it feels like...home...

[MUSIC STARTS, DANCE BEAT. MADONNA DROPS FLAG TO REVEAL A YARMULKEBRA-BUSTIER WITH JEWISH STARS EMBLAZONED ON THE CUPS.]

CHORUS:
I'm in Is-ra-el, I love Kabbalah
Things are going well, got my bracelet on
Now the party starts, I'm breaking Jewish hearts
Here we don't eat pork; it's safer than New York...

Like a dream I had of being British
and so I spoke just like a Brit
(not like Britney)
Catholic is what my mother made me
But kosher is what I've become--let the Pope scream

CHORUS:
I'm in Is-ra-el, I love Kabbalah
Things are going well, got my bracelet on
Now the party starts, I'm breaking Jewish hearts
Here we don't eat pork; it's safer than New York...

Guy Ritchie is my man,
Wears kippot when he can,
Our children stay amused
they also stay confused--
don't point or stare,
when I am standing there
God always sees
the ultra-mega-Jewish me
The ultra-Jewish me-hee-hee,
Come and see...


[CHEESY ISRAELI VOICEOVER:]
Come to Israel. We'll make you feel like a rock star.



*This post inspired by my friends at Jewlicious...

8 Comments:

At 1:11 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Madonna said...

Huh? I did what?! Ohhh.. The other "Madonna"... Sorry, my bad. Sorry. This gets confusing sometimes. So many Madonnas and Esthers...

One of these days she's going to wake up in your apartment, you're going to wake up in my apartment and I'm going to wake up next to Guy Ritchie....

I sure wouldn't be recommending tourism to ANYWHERE near the Middle East now... I'm sure Israel is lovely and all that, but the location? I don't know about that one...

Great song parody, though... You decided to unleash your inner Madonna too, huh?

 
At 8:58 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Michael said...

Esther, beloved, you have finally lost it. All of it. In one titanic burst of coedic genius, to be sure. But you need to up the dose to 20 mg.

Love,

 
At 8:59 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Michael said...

"CoMedic genius," he said.

 
At 9:12 AM, November 08, 2004, Blogger PetiteDov said...

Hilarious. Now i'll be singing the new chorus to "like a prayer"

 
At 3:00 PM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Dawn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:28 PM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Madonna said...

Uh oh. Esther's lost it? I guess I am becoming a bad influence....

Woo hoo! I am becoming more and more Madonnaesque every day!

 
At 6:36 PM, November 08, 2004, Blogger Dawn said...

I don't know how I managed to delete the comment I made when I first posted it!? What I had said was:
How DO you write these things sober? You are a treat!

 
At 3:11 PM, November 09, 2004, Blogger Anna Broadway said...

Seriously brilliant. I think I’ll be linking to it from my site soon ... especially considering the splash poetry recently made on Sexless.

Thanks for keepin’ it real, dahlin’.

...Real funny, that is. ;)

 

Post a Comment

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