POLITICKING--NATIONAL CELIBACY DAY

Apparently, November 2 has been proclaimed as National Celibacy Day. I know this from my friend Mr. Internet, who provides me with tantalizing tidbits and then does not explain himself by supplying bibliographies.

The email I received (from several people, I might add) had no discernible origin and read:

Remember: November 2 is National Celibacy Day. No Bush. No Dick.

And that's all. No website, or "for more information" or "brought to you by your friends at..." Where'd this come from? And for Heaven's sake, WHY?

Look, I keep proclaiming that I don't talk politics here, and now I'm gonna. I'm a Democrat. And I have Republican friends. (Yes, even Jewish ones.) And I've been resisting the pull of partisan posting, because I just want everyone to get along. I do not wish my words to be divisive. As someone once said, whether or not you believe him, "I am a uniter, not a divider."

But I cannot stay silent any longer, because with this, we have reached apopleptic idiocy.

I ask you--is there any benefit, to anyone of either party, to proclaiming a National Celibacy Day?

Are people who participate in this going to walk around wearing T-shirts reading "I'm not having sex today?" (The marketing guru in me would like to suggest additional mottoes for these fictional T-shirts..."Lysistrata ain't got nothin' on me!" and "It's no headache...it's my political manifesto.") Otherwise, we have no idea who they are, and we're all on the honor system.

What about all the people who are celibate anyway? I know the media would have us believe that everyone's either thinking about it or doing it 24/7, but if you think about it, that means no one would have any time for blogging. Plus, the workplace would become a tricky kind of environment to navigate, what with people passing up meetings for matings. It takes two to tango, I'm told, and if sitcom is to be believed, all over the United States there are couples who are abstaining from coupling because they're too tired. Do they get retroactive credit for "observing" this Day? Then there are all the religious reasons for which people (from all faiths) are celibate. In high school we used to call this de facto celibacy being "shomer negiah*, but not by choice."

Because the credo of National Celibacy Day seems to be anti-Bush, I'm going to assume that the edict is of Democratic origin, which really embarrasses me. It seems as random as National Inside Out Underwear Day, or National Generic Brand Chocolate Chips Day, or National Walking Down Amsterdam Instead of Broadway Day. Because no one will know you're doing it unless you tell them, and once you tell them, they will look at you like you just announced that Britney Spears has joined your shul. (Actually, given Brit's embrace of Kabbalah, that's a bad example, because it is more likely to happen.)

This kind of proclamation doesn't make any kind of political statement and, barring the use of invasive home videotaping or a spare CSI team testing your clothes for "DNA," your participation in this purported phenomenon is inherently unprovable.

What do I suggest? At this point, let us not declare any other special Day until after Election Day. Vote for whichever candidate floats your political (fishing? or Swift?) boat. Wear a ten-gallon hat, or a Kerry/Edwards button, or a T-shirt that proclaims your loyalty, if you must make a statement.

Pat Benatar said it best: "Stop using sex as a weapon."


*Define shomer negiah? Oy. Here's Jewish.com to help.

POLITICKING--NATIONAL CELIBACY DAY

Apparently, November 2 has been proclaimed as National Celibacy Day. I know this from my friend Mr. Internet, who provides me with tantalizing tidbits and then does not explain himself by supplying bibliographies.

The email I received (from several people, I might add) had no discernible origin and read:

Remember: November 2 is National Celibacy Day. No Bush. No Dick.

And that's all. No website, or "for more information" or "brought to you by your friends at..." Where'd this come from? And for Heaven's sake, WHY?

Look, I keep proclaiming that I don't talk politics here, and now I'm gonna. I'm a Democrat. And I have Republican friends. (Yes, even Jewish ones.) And I've been resisting the pull of partisan posting, because I just want everyone to get along. I do not wish my words to be divisive. As someone once said, whether or not you believe him, "I am a uniter, not a divider."

But I cannot stay silent any longer, because with this, we have reached apopleptic idiocy.

I ask you--is there any benefit, to anyone of either party, to proclaiming a National Celibacy Day?

Are people who participate in this going to walk around wearing T-shirts reading "I'm not having sex today?" (The marketing guru in me would like to suggest additional mottoes for these fictional T-shirts..."Lysistrata ain't got nothin' on me!" and "It's no headache...it's my political manifesto.") Otherwise, we have no idea who they are, and we're all on the honor system.

What about all the people who are celibate anyway? I know the media would have us believe that everyone's either thinking about it or doing it 24/7, but if you think about it, that means no one would have any time for blogging. Plus, the workplace would become a tricky kind of environment to navigate, what with people passing up meetings for matings. It takes two to tango, I'm told, and if sitcom is to be believed, all over the United States there are couples who are abstaining from coupling because they're too tired. Do they get retroactive credit for "observing" this Day? Then there are all the religious reasons for which people (from all faiths) are celibate. In high school we used to call this de facto celibacy being "shomer negiah*, but not by choice."

Because the credo of National Celibacy Day seems to be anti-Bush, I'm going to assume that the edict is of Democratic origin, which really embarrasses me. It seems as random as National Inside Out Underwear Day, or National Generic Brand Chocolate Chips Day, or National Walking Down Amsterdam Instead of Broadway Day. Because no one will know you're doing it unless you tell them, and once you tell them, they will look at you like you just announced that Britney Spears has joined your shul. (Actually, given Brit's embrace of Kabbalah, that's a bad example, because it is more likely to happen.)

This kind of proclamation doesn't make any kind of political statement and, barring the use of invasive home videotaping or a spare CSI team testing your clothes for "DNA," your participation in this purported phenomenon is inherently unprovable.

What do I suggest? At this point, let us not declare any other special Day until after Election Day. Vote for whichever candidate floats your political (fishing? or Swift?) boat. Wear a ten-gallon hat, or a Kerry/Edwards button, or a T-shirt that proclaims your loyalty, if you must make a statement.

Pat Benatar said it best: "Stop using sex as a weapon."


*Define shomer negiah? Oy. Here's Jewish.com to help.