Wednesday, December 22, 2004

"JUST NOT THAT INTO" THIS BOOK

Anyone not get an adequate deluge of "He's Just Not That Into You" this week? Good news! Here's my latest column, "Just Not That Into" This Book...

Let the commenting begin!

12 Comments:

At 11:14 PM, December 22, 2004, Blogger Plantation said...

E, thanks. Now I don't have to read the book. I'm sure, as you say, it provides comic relief and is intended to do so. In actuality, I think your First Person Singular advise is probably more valuable.

Life is indeed short. Go for it. I have done exactly that this year and have had the privilege, and luck I suppose, of going out with four drop dead gorgeous women this year. I may even get a chance to see someone who tops them all. Why? I guess cuz I've just thrown caution to the wind. Like you said, what's the worst that can happen? They say 'no.' Big deal. It's worth the risk and disappointment. I"ve got memories that will last a lifetime with more special moments to come.

So people, listen to the Urban Kvetch. She rocks.

 
At 11:40 PM, December 22, 2004, Blogger Jay said...

Hello, I'm so glad someone has finally said this!

 
At 11:11 AM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Julie said...

Great column! I wholeheartedly agree. While, yes, it certainly can be easier to simplify dating in such a way (and some women should certainly do so, as opposed to holding onto loser guys or attempting to justify bizarre male behavior)--I agree that it's not always as simple as the book makes it out to be. Well said, Esther.

 
At 12:03 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger YourMoralLeader said...

I disagree with much of your column and critique it here:

http://yourmoralleader.blogspot.com/2004/12/hes-just-not-that-into-you.html

 
At 12:43 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Esther Kustanowitz said...

Just to clarify, he's not my moral leader. I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree.

 
At 1:55 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger T.A.B. said...

Hi Esther. I just found the comment you left on my blog about the spelling of "Hannukah". I just wanted to mention that I agree with your dating philosophy and have been preaching (or you could say "kvetching") as such on my own blog for ages.

Also, neither Charisma Carpenter nor SMG would get the "Wonder Woman" gig. SMG doesn't have the right look and CC doesn't have the star power.

See you around.
--Bob, the Anonymous Blogger

 
At 6:39 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Andrea said...

Good article, but I still want to read the book. I intended to take it with a grain of salt anyhow. I'd rather read "self help" books that are meant to be humourous than anything that Dr. Phil writes. I can't stand that guy.

I read the previous article too. I totally indentified. In fact, I linked to it in the livejournal community that I moderate, Jewish Toronto.
(Anonymous posting/commenting is turned off because anti-Semites like to troll LJ, but one day I want to create a similar interactive forum elsewhere. First LJ, then the world.)

 
At 7:08 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Yaron said...

I just read that guy's post. Apologies if anyone here is friends with him, but he comes off as a major prick. Or at least someone with a serious chip on his shoulder, dating-wise. He says he's turned off when women are agressive, but then says he prefers being the passive one in the relationship. Then he dismisses most of your other points as "cliches" without bothering to explain why they're incorrect.

 
At 7:58 PM, December 23, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, Esther, your kvetching makes you sound like you're saddened by the outcome of the HJNTIY book and its subsequent "movement." What were you expecting? What could be so wrong with a book that empowers women, who think they're actually in a "relationship," to stop making excuses for men, when they (men) are too afraid to tell them otherwise?

I believe that the HJNTIY book is so popular because it did what it set out to do -- tell women that they are indeed desirable and to "not waste the pretty" on men who treat them otherwise. It shows them how to sort through the men who aren't ready, willing and able to be in an exclusive, committed relationship. You may not have needed to hear that, Esther, but millions of other women did.

What's really needed (and is indeed "kvetch-worthy") is a book that's as clear, direct and easy to read as HJNTIY -- for men. It should teach them how to be more like Greg Behrendt, who rose to the occasion of decency and honesty (all while being vulnerabie, of course) to pursue, and eventually marry, the woman he really wanted.

Now what do you think would be a good title for that book? :-)

Janice

 
At 7:25 PM, December 24, 2004, Blogger Coelecanth said...

I read YML's critique and agree with Yarron. I'd add that it's not so much a critique as it is a rant. And his blog title? Man, it's not often I want to resort to ad homonim (personal) but in this case it'd appropriate, or at least satisfing. His title doesn't even work as irony.

Anyway. Haven't read the book or seen the SITC episode so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. If I'm getting this right the danger seems to be that women might dismiss a realtionship on grounds of assumed HRNTIY when in fact he's simply busy. Doesn't it (as always) come down to trust and good communication? If you're being blown off, ask why and if you don't believe the answer walk away. To be fair, women use the "too busy" tactic too.

One of things that bothers me about the whole if "he's into you he'll make time" thing is that it assumes a certain irresposibilty. Do you really want to be with someone who's willing to shirk the rest of their responsibilties in order to see you? If he's willing to do that why wouldn't he'll be willing to do it in your relationship to? Calling in sick to spend time with you is all very romantic, but it's a bad sign for things to come.

 
At 5:08 AM, April 19, 2005, Blogger NewsMan said...

mature pantie skirt*
looking mature woman*
city housewifes mature*
milf rabbit review*
canadian mature pussy*
granny old year*
big busty milf*
free granny hot*
blonde mature wife*
huge mature real*

 
At 5:24 PM, August 07, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i totally disagree with "he's just not that into you" and think it is detrimental. it assumes rationality on the part of the male, that he is so together that he knows all. in this book, the man is omniscient. in fact, all the great guys i know are in like with someone they dont have the courage to talk to, etc.

men are insecure too, ladies, dont believe this!!!!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

My Urban Kvetch: "JUST NOT THAT INTO" THIS BOOK

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

"JUST NOT THAT INTO" THIS BOOK

Anyone not get an adequate deluge of "He's Just Not That Into You" this week? Good news! Here's my latest column, "Just Not That Into" This Book...

Let the commenting begin!

12 Comments:

At 11:14 PM, December 22, 2004, Blogger Plantation said...

E, thanks. Now I don't have to read the book. I'm sure, as you say, it provides comic relief and is intended to do so. In actuality, I think your First Person Singular advise is probably more valuable.

Life is indeed short. Go for it. I have done exactly that this year and have had the privilege, and luck I suppose, of going out with four drop dead gorgeous women this year. I may even get a chance to see someone who tops them all. Why? I guess cuz I've just thrown caution to the wind. Like you said, what's the worst that can happen? They say 'no.' Big deal. It's worth the risk and disappointment. I"ve got memories that will last a lifetime with more special moments to come.

So people, listen to the Urban Kvetch. She rocks.

 
At 11:40 PM, December 22, 2004, Blogger Jay said...

Hello, I'm so glad someone has finally said this!

 
At 11:11 AM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Julie said...

Great column! I wholeheartedly agree. While, yes, it certainly can be easier to simplify dating in such a way (and some women should certainly do so, as opposed to holding onto loser guys or attempting to justify bizarre male behavior)--I agree that it's not always as simple as the book makes it out to be. Well said, Esther.

 
At 12:03 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger YourMoralLeader said...

I disagree with much of your column and critique it here:

http://yourmoralleader.blogspot.com/2004/12/hes-just-not-that-into-you.html

 
At 12:43 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Esther Kustanowitz said...

Just to clarify, he's not my moral leader. I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree.

 
At 1:55 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger T.A.B. said...

Hi Esther. I just found the comment you left on my blog about the spelling of "Hannukah". I just wanted to mention that I agree with your dating philosophy and have been preaching (or you could say "kvetching") as such on my own blog for ages.

Also, neither Charisma Carpenter nor SMG would get the "Wonder Woman" gig. SMG doesn't have the right look and CC doesn't have the star power.

See you around.
--Bob, the Anonymous Blogger

 
At 6:39 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Andrea said...

Good article, but I still want to read the book. I intended to take it with a grain of salt anyhow. I'd rather read "self help" books that are meant to be humourous than anything that Dr. Phil writes. I can't stand that guy.

I read the previous article too. I totally indentified. In fact, I linked to it in the livejournal community that I moderate, Jewish Toronto.
(Anonymous posting/commenting is turned off because anti-Semites like to troll LJ, but one day I want to create a similar interactive forum elsewhere. First LJ, then the world.)

 
At 7:08 PM, December 23, 2004, Blogger Yaron said...

I just read that guy's post. Apologies if anyone here is friends with him, but he comes off as a major prick. Or at least someone with a serious chip on his shoulder, dating-wise. He says he's turned off when women are agressive, but then says he prefers being the passive one in the relationship. Then he dismisses most of your other points as "cliches" without bothering to explain why they're incorrect.

 
At 7:58 PM, December 23, 2004, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, Esther, your kvetching makes you sound like you're saddened by the outcome of the HJNTIY book and its subsequent "movement." What were you expecting? What could be so wrong with a book that empowers women, who think they're actually in a "relationship," to stop making excuses for men, when they (men) are too afraid to tell them otherwise?

I believe that the HJNTIY book is so popular because it did what it set out to do -- tell women that they are indeed desirable and to "not waste the pretty" on men who treat them otherwise. It shows them how to sort through the men who aren't ready, willing and able to be in an exclusive, committed relationship. You may not have needed to hear that, Esther, but millions of other women did.

What's really needed (and is indeed "kvetch-worthy") is a book that's as clear, direct and easy to read as HJNTIY -- for men. It should teach them how to be more like Greg Behrendt, who rose to the occasion of decency and honesty (all while being vulnerabie, of course) to pursue, and eventually marry, the woman he really wanted.

Now what do you think would be a good title for that book? :-)

Janice

 
At 7:25 PM, December 24, 2004, Blogger Coelecanth said...

I read YML's critique and agree with Yarron. I'd add that it's not so much a critique as it is a rant. And his blog title? Man, it's not often I want to resort to ad homonim (personal) but in this case it'd appropriate, or at least satisfing. His title doesn't even work as irony.

Anyway. Haven't read the book or seen the SITC episode so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. If I'm getting this right the danger seems to be that women might dismiss a realtionship on grounds of assumed HRNTIY when in fact he's simply busy. Doesn't it (as always) come down to trust and good communication? If you're being blown off, ask why and if you don't believe the answer walk away. To be fair, women use the "too busy" tactic too.

One of things that bothers me about the whole if "he's into you he'll make time" thing is that it assumes a certain irresposibilty. Do you really want to be with someone who's willing to shirk the rest of their responsibilties in order to see you? If he's willing to do that why wouldn't he'll be willing to do it in your relationship to? Calling in sick to spend time with you is all very romantic, but it's a bad sign for things to come.

 
At 5:08 AM, April 19, 2005, Blogger NewsMan said...

mature pantie skirt*
looking mature woman*
city housewifes mature*
milf rabbit review*
canadian mature pussy*
granny old year*
big busty milf*
free granny hot*
blonde mature wife*
huge mature real*

 
At 5:24 PM, August 07, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i totally disagree with "he's just not that into you" and think it is detrimental. it assumes rationality on the part of the male, that he is so together that he knows all. in this book, the man is omniscient. in fact, all the great guys i know are in like with someone they dont have the courage to talk to, etc.

men are insecure too, ladies, dont believe this!!!!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home