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Anyone not get an adequate deluge of "He's Just Not That Into You" this week? Good news! Here's my latest column, "Just Not That Into" This Book...
posted by Esther Kustanowitz @ 10:15 PM
8 comments
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8 Comments:
E, thanks. Now I don't have to read the book. I'm sure, as you say, it provides comic relief and is intended to do so. In actuality, I think your First Person Singular advise is probably more valuable.
Life is indeed short. Go for it. I have done exactly that this year and have had the privilege, and luck I suppose, of going out with four drop dead gorgeous women this year. I may even get a chance to see someone who tops them all. Why? I guess cuz I've just thrown caution to the wind. Like you said, what's the worst that can happen? They say 'no.' Big deal. It's worth the risk and disappointment. I"ve got memories that will last a lifetime with more special moments to come.
So people, listen to the Urban Kvetch. She rocks.
Hello, I'm so glad someone has finally said this!
I disagree with much of your column and critique it here:
http://yourmoralleader.blogspot.com/2004/12/hes-just-not-that-into-you.html
Just to clarify, he's not my moral leader. I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree.
Hi Esther. I just found the comment you left on my blog about the spelling of "Hannukah". I just wanted to mention that I agree with your dating philosophy and have been preaching (or you could say "kvetching") as such on my own blog for ages.
Also, neither Charisma Carpenter nor SMG would get the "Wonder Woman" gig. SMG doesn't have the right look and CC doesn't have the star power.
See you around.
--Bob, the Anonymous Blogger
Gee, Esther, your kvetching makes you sound like you're saddened by the outcome of the HJNTIY book and its subsequent "movement." What were you expecting? What could be so wrong with a book that empowers women, who think they're actually in a "relationship," to stop making excuses for men, when they (men) are too afraid to tell them otherwise?
I believe that the HJNTIY book is so popular because it did what it set out to do -- tell women that they are indeed desirable and to "not waste the pretty" on men who treat them otherwise. It shows them how to sort through the men who aren't ready, willing and able to be in an exclusive, committed relationship. You may not have needed to hear that, Esther, but millions of other women did.
What's really needed (and is indeed "kvetch-worthy") is a book that's as clear, direct and easy to read as HJNTIY -- for men. It should teach them how to be more like Greg Behrendt, who rose to the occasion of decency and honesty (all while being vulnerabie, of course) to pursue, and eventually marry, the woman he really wanted.
Now what do you think would be a good title for that book? :-)
Janice
I read YML's critique and agree with Yarron. I'd add that it's not so much a critique as it is a rant. And his blog title? Man, it's not often I want to resort to ad homonim (personal) but in this case it'd appropriate, or at least satisfing. His title doesn't even work as irony.
Anyway. Haven't read the book or seen the SITC episode so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. If I'm getting this right the danger seems to be that women might dismiss a realtionship on grounds of assumed HRNTIY when in fact he's simply busy. Doesn't it (as always) come down to trust and good communication? If you're being blown off, ask why and if you don't believe the answer walk away. To be fair, women use the "too busy" tactic too.
One of things that bothers me about the whole if "he's into you he'll make time" thing is that it assumes a certain irresposibilty. Do you really want to be with someone who's willing to shirk the rest of their responsibilties in order to see you? If he's willing to do that why wouldn't he'll be willing to do it in your relationship to? Calling in sick to spend time with you is all very romantic, but it's a bad sign for things to come.
i totally disagree with "he's just not that into you" and think it is detrimental. it assumes rationality on the part of the male, that he is so together that he knows all. in this book, the man is omniscient. in fact, all the great guys i know are in like with someone they dont have the courage to talk to, etc.
men are insecure too, ladies, dont believe this!!!!
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