CHEW ON THIS...
I have to face the ugly facts. I have a fang.
I keep biting my lower lip, really hard, in the same place, time after time, while I'm just chewing. Doesn't matter what I'm eating, whether it's hard or easy to chew. From a granola bar to a mushroom, I'm just chewing food or gum, like a normal person, when WHAM! My upper tooth (an incisor? who knows? all I know is it's where a fang would be...) just mashes right through my lower lip. Blood, pain, yada yada yada.
There's only one logical explanation. After a year of really late nights, I must be becoming a vampire. I'm sure all those episodes of Buffy and Angel can't be helping. At least they'll ease the transition.
All I have to do is stay away from crosses and holy water (as a Jew, no problem) and steer clear of wooden stakes. No worries. Hakuna matata with my vampire dentata, baby. I've been doing Tae-Bo; I'm ready. Bring on the slayers.